I honestly believe my idea of reinventing scented toilet paper should not be sniffed at, after all, German designer Fritz Loibl has already created toilet rolls with 24-carat-gold motifs, available for £148:00 each. Customers can even create their own designs. Whether you own a luxury hotel or sell luxury goods, don’t you think this is very much like taking a swipe at Capitalism? Talk about an indulgence, why I wouldn’t wipe my ass on an unscented bog roll! I have particular standards and I don’t see why I should raise them!
‘I think, therefore I am!’ Have you noticed how some toilet rolls have become thinner & narrower, which when you come to think about it, is strange, particularly when the general population has become thicker & wider? No ‘margin for error’ here then!
So I turned up for work at The Stamford‑Bull Advertising Agency and spent the entire morning rowing with colleagues, forgetting I needed their co‑operation in a presentation I was due to make at 4 p.m. to the M.D. of The Softly Softly Toilet Paper Company. My body of work?
“Buy STUCKO medicated toilet paper, a standard for your behind! STUCKO four‑ply toilet roll only breaks when you do. STUCKO is built to take the punishment you dish out. Tested by experts, STUCKO stays with you to the bitter end. STUCKO, a standard for your behind!” I can’t believe I got the sack, but I did!
Anyway, not to be disheartened, I decided to go it alone and market a new range of ‘scented’ toilet roll. The ‘budget’ range would include lavender, pine, rose, sea breeze and Alpine forest. My ‘bespoke’ range of scented toilet paper, which by the way I intended selling to 5-star Mayfair hotels, would include a beef fragrance, lamb, an athlete’s foot fragrance and of course, shit, which I expect to go down a treat in the world of ‘S & M’! I hope to raise enough dough on KickStarter for ‘R & D’. Hey, from little acorns oak trees grow, right?
SHOOTTHESCRIBE.WORDPRESS.COM 