CUDDLES HAVE CALORIES!

Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, female. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My neighbour Joan popped in for a coffee. One look at BUNNEE my beautiful Cavalier King Charles Spaniel and she said, “You know I do believe Bunnee’s put on weight!” I replied, “It can’t be so. I’m very strict with her diet, which I might add consists mainly of cuddles!” Joan replied, “Ah, well there’s your problem…cuddles have calories!” Bunnee looked at me and I looked at Bunnee. We must have had the same thought, for Buns jumped off my lap, showed Joan the door and then returned to the lounge for an extra cuddle!

ACHTUNG DOGGY!

dachshund (Photo credit: RNCB)

WARNING…this blog will be of interest to doggy lovers, so if you’re not in fact a doggy lover, please move on…nothing to see here!

I left my house this morning in order to walk down the road to the high street to buy a paper and a packet of cigarettes. Passing a bus stop, a young man in his twenties exited a bus holding a beautiful, black Dachshund (standard) in a knitted sweater and a harness. I was tempted to say ‘what a lovely doggy’, but instead I walked on. Reaching the edge of the road I heard ‘STOP’ coming from behind me. Turning around I spotted the Dachshund running towards me off its lead. It had slipped the harness too. I held up my palm and shouted ‘ACHTUNG DOGGY!’ Would you believe the doggy obeyed, stopped by my feet and jumped up at me. The young man caught up and thanked me. Paul came from Holland. In Holland they speak German as a second or third language, so I can only presume six-month-old ‘Ben’ the Dachshund spoke it too! What a beautiful doggy. He reminded me of the four Dachshunds I had as a child. It’s a pity I don’t get the same reaction from people!

BOA CONSTRICTOR ON THE LOOSE IN MERSEYSIDE!

Boa constrictor (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A 5ft boa constrictor is on the loose after escaping from a house in Huyton, Liverpool. The public have been warned to look out for the pet called ‘Petzi’. Police have warned the public not to approach the snake if they spot it. Now that’s a pretty pointless warning don’t you think? Only a high-end cobbler would bother approaching Petzi, and no doubt with a stun gun to hand! Meanwhile the local community is living in fear. Petzi has a STRANGLEHOLD on that! Since the boa kills by asphyxiation, asthma sufferers have been warned to stay indoors until the snake is caught or cobbled!

UPDATED: 12/08/13.

Portsmouth, present day. A Boa constrictor is on the loose in the city centre after being thrown into a hedge when a taxi driver refused to allow it in his cab. Naturally the snake was not unattended. What kind of person would blithely chuck a boa into a hedge to prey on, or to be preyed upon? This coming so soon after two precious boys were killed by a python in Canada reconfirms my belief that snakes should not be in private hands, but in zoos alone!

UPDATED: 30/08/13.

A Mexican King Snake emerged from a drain in the back garden of a house in Cleethorpes. Householder, a Mr Peck took the unwelcome guest to a local snake shop, Medusa’s Reptiles.

 

I WISH I HAD GREEN FINGERS…

Common rock pigeon (Columba livia) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

…but I don’t. Nothing I plant grows. Since I had it jet-washed, my patio looks good, or rather…LOOKED GOOD. I hung a bird feeder, it attracted pigeons and now my patio is covered in pigeon crap, and I do so HATE pigeon crap! Many years ago a pigeon crapped on my hair (my finest feature). I was told that it was lucky to be so targeted. I ran home…yes, RAN home and immediately opened the post. Had I won the football pools? No! Was there a letter from a firm of lawyers telling me that a distant relative had died and left my a fortune? Err, no! So what was in the post? Four overdue bills and a repossession notification!

Do you know what, I think I might plant my gardening gloves and see what comes up. When ARE you supposed to plant gloves, is it in the winter or the spring?