7-FOOT POLES!

Jew street (Photo credit: JP..)

Jimmy and I were propping up the bar in our local tavern. We were both on our fourth pints when he turned to me and said, “Ere, David, have you heard about those 7-foot poles?

“What 7-foot poles,” I said.

“The ones coming here!”

“To the village?”

“Yup.”

“Blimey Jimmy,” I said. “What do you think they eat that makes them grow so tall?”

“Errh…what ARE you on about? David, I’m talking about them JEWISH poles!”

“Sorry Jimbo, I’m not with you?”

“ERUV poles!”

“Oh right…what are they then?”

“Christ, David, you’re the worst JEW I’ve ever met!” I took that as a compliment, although it wasn’t meant as one. “ERUV poles, you bastard! Poles with wire attached to them that follow a specific route that allow orthodox Jews to walk out on the Sabbath.”

“Walk out on the Sabbath?”

“Yeah, you know…carry keys, wallets, mobile phones…push pushchairs, wheelchairs…that kind of thing!”

“Oh I see,” I replied. “Well what about it Jimmy?”

“People are complaining.”

“What people,” I asked.

“People who ain’t Jewish…people who don’t want to see the village turned into a gateaux.”

“That’s GHETTO,” I replied, correcting him. “Anyways, have any other Jewish enclaves got the poles yet?”

“Apparently so…they’re everywhere! First one went up in Finchley in 2002.”

“Jimmy, one wonders how Jews managed to practice their religion before 2002? You know what I reckon!”

“And what’s that David?”

“Jimmy, it gotta be down to the mobile phone. Jews want to be able to make and receive calls on the Sabbath. It’s another case of religion by convenience.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right. Ere, you know what we should do…ELECTROCUTE them!”

“What, the JEWS Jimmy?”

“Nah…the poles. The first dog that cocks his leg on a pole will cause the metal wire to melt!”

“And you seriously think that’s gonna affect cellular phone reception?”

“David, you’re IMPOSSIBLE!” 

“Jimmy, never mind me being impossible, did you hear about Sarah Cohen?”

“The rich bird who lives alone at number…”

“Twenty-six!”

 

“Well what about her,” Jimmy asked.

“Well I heard she blew the chauffeur!”

“David, you ignoramus…it’s the SHOFAR, and even as a non-Jew I know she shouldn’t of done  that!”

“Jimmy, I actually meant the CHAUFFEUR. Mind you, I suppose one ram’s horn is as good as another!”