ARE YOU COMFORTABLE IN YOUR SKIN?

Cover of The Picture of Dorian Gray

Forget BOTOX! Scientists at the Singapore company Scéil discovered how to freeze adult skin cells so they don’t age. They can then be changed into stem cells and used later in life for rejuvenating surgery. And the price for eternal youth, £40,000! The pioneering technique will be available as a cosmetic procedure from today, although researchers hope the technology could also be used to help disfigured or injured patients.

Who will be clamouring to pay £40,000? Why the rich and famous of course, and while still in their full flush of youth! The procedure involves skin and blood samples being taken from clients and stored to make a ‘back-up’ version of their cells frozen at their current age. These are stored at minus 180C and copies are stored at three ‘banks’ in Singapore, Dubai and Switzerland to ensure there is always a back-up. When required, the sample cells are manipulated to become stem cells that can be grown into any type of body tissue.

So if you are rich and vain, or you live your life in front of the camera, go for it I say, for one day in the not too distant future your skin may be wafer thin, or shrivelled. F**k it, go for it, banished those wrinkly ass cheeks, after all, image is everything when you are a celebrity. Instead of having to hide in the shadows, why you might even be able to extend your career under the spotlight inf**kingdefinitely! Never forget though, beauty IS only skin deep. You might look like Dorian Grey on the outside, but beneath the dermis your organs will continue to age just like the rest of ours. Still, you will be the best looking corpse in the graveyard!

THE FOOD REVOLUTION!

Public domain photograph of various meats. (Beef, pork, chicken.) Source: http://visualsonline.cancer.gov/details.cfm?imageid=2402 (via http://geekphilosopher.com/bkg/foodMeat.htm) Public domain declaration: http://visualsonline.cancer.gov/about.cfm (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Following an investment of £215,000 by Google’s co-founder Sergey Brin, the world’s first test-tube BURGER, made from lab-grown meat, was cooked and served in London yesterday. The 5oz (142g) patty, which cost £250,000 to produce, was dished up before an invited audience.

Scientist, Professor Mark Post produced the burger from 20,000 tiny strips of meat grown from cow stem cells. Verdict? Apparently the burger looked like a patty, chewed like a patty, but lacked flavour. Naturally, without any fat in it, it would lack flavour. Let’s not forget, it is a PROTOTYPE. Perhaps the best person to experience this culinary delight would be a TEST-TUBE BABY!

Prof Post believes the new burger could herald a food revolution, with artificial meat products appearing in supermarkets in as little as 10 years. The cost of real meat is set to sky-rocket over the next twenty years or so, due in part to increased consumption in places like China. It is therefore likely that many of us will be feeding our children and grand-children on meat SUBSTITUTE, unless of course one turns CANNIBAL! Now before you get on my CASE, do remember this! Eating your unemployed neighbour may well free up housing and lower the social welfare bill! Maybe a ‘GOOD CITIZENSHIP’ award is in the offing?