A bathroom in the Beamish Museum near Durham, United Kingdom (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
My materialistic sister, a widow of three years who lives alone is moving from a house with four bedrooms and two bathrooms to a house with three bedrooms and three bathrooms. I said to her, “Why so many bathrooms, are you incontinent or something?” She put the phone down on me.
Merseyside Police HQ AKA Palace of Lies (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Sugar has been investigated by police after he was accused of posting a racist tweet to his 3.2 million followers. The Apprentice star posted a picture of a crying Chinese child dressed in a watermelon costume and joked: “The kid in the middle is upset because he was told off for leaving the production line of the iPhone 5.” One Nichola Szeto, (of mixed Chinese and English heritage) from Liverpool, was offended by the reference to the Asian factories where the phones are made and put in a complaint to police. She was then contacted by Merseyside Police and went to a Liverpool station to make a statement. The force’s specialist hate crime investigation team decided that the tweet should be classed as a “hate incident”, although no crime had taken place.
Remember folks, don’t visit England, for here there is no freedom of speech! One person in the country takes offence at a comment you might make and what results is a costly police investigation! When the State must cater for the needs of a minority of one, Society has broken down! So, if you’re going to post anything online, do remember to first check with your lawyer! Disgusting, disgusting, disgusting…particularly when there is some truth to the comment! What England deserves is another f**king revolution, for until then, we are expected to work, pay our taxes, shut our mouths and die!!
Mind you, it’s even worse in China where it is claimed two million people keep an eye on its citizens’ internet use. The workers are paid by the government and private businesses to monitor the tens of millions of online posts made by Chinese users every day. Their main targets are social media and blogging sites. I guess the only place on Earth where freedom of speech exists…is a desert island with a population of one!!
Diana Rigg as Mrs. Emma Peel (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Back in the mid 1960s my parents took me to ‘The White Elephant Club’ (private dining) in Curzon Street, Mayfair. I would have been about eight. Anyway, during the meal I excused myself to go to the lavatory. Wending my way through the dining room I came upon a beautiful young woman sitting alone at a table. This was ‘Avenger,’ actress Diana Rigg. Our eyes met for a moment and the lady smiled at me. What I wanted to say was ‘I bet my karate chop is better than yours,’ but I didn’t. Shy, all I could muster was a smile. My God, what a woman…probably still is! I should have asked Diana out. We could have gone to London Zoo. My mum could have driven us.
Ring Of Stones, June 21, 3 a.m. Greenwich Mean Time. I must admit, Stonehenge impressed the shit out of me. Photographs don’t do it justice. It is necessary to stand beneath the pillars to truly comprehend the enormity of the construction. It must be said, I was less impressed with the graffiti, chewing gum and ‘post‑it’ notes to the Gods. One theory is, the Earth was once populated by a race of giants. ‘Brains’ have suggested that one particular giant, having passed a number of painful kidney stones, arranged them in a circle to warn other giants to lay off dairy products. I kinda liked that idea.
Clothing! The chief Druid of the Cotswold Order wore black, whilst the Arch Druid wore crimson. The High Priest of the British White Witches Association naturally wore white, whilst my little group of Vampire Appreciators wore mainly black and red. Headgear? Antler horns. If nothing else, it was worth going down there just to pick up fashion tips. For instance, if you’re wearing jockey shorts, never, never wear a split to the thigh crimson robe. Apparently it’s considered somewhat plebeian.
My sponsor introduced me as the real McCoy. ” Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking, I am here tonight at Sunny’s request to shed some light on the twilight world of the lesser spotted urban vampire. Veni, vidi, mourdi. I came, I saw, I bit!” I spoke for one whole hour. I should have left out the bit about being 75% Jewish. My kind didn’t go down too well in that part of the world. That aside, I got a rapturous applause. There were so many requests for private audiences, I felt like a chocoholic trapped in a chocolate factory. All in all, it was mighty exciting and it took all of my vampire strength not to cream my pants.
” A new day is dawning, and we are alive!” someone shouted as dawn began to break.
” Three cheers for Stonehenge and the summer solstice! ” someone else cried.
” Greetings to you sun of seasons! ” We all went naked and I witnessed a Druid marriage ceremony and the scattering of a pagan priest’s ashes. Done, a circle was formed around a log fire. We each grabbed a hand and began running around the flames chanting in old Saxon. ‘Oh what a lovely bunch of coconuts’ was all I managed to glean.
Half an hour later the excited sweaty group stopped to participate in a sacrifice. Thankfully an infant was not available. I say, at least give them a chance to grow up before encouraging ‘Youth’ to dabble in drugs and play with fast moving traffic.
A local butcher had promised to provide a fresh chicken. Once sacrificed, group members were intending to drink its blood. However, the chicken turned up frozen. Fresh, but frozen. Kissing the chicken’s ass was quickly incorporated into the group’s activities. I counted fourteen cases of chapped lips.
A promise is a promise! I banqueted on Sunny and four of her friends at a secondary location. My God, they were all so lovely. After placing them in a communal grave, I let my trouser belt out an inch, returned to my car and headed back to London.
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