THE GENIUS OF ALAN TURING, THE GAY MAN WHO SAVED THE FREE WORLD!

I’ve seen the movie ‘Enigma‘ and was bloody impressed. I recently watched ‘Imitation Game’, and was equally impressed. Alan Turing, the FATHER of computer science and artificial intelligence received a pardon in 2014 after the government lent its support to a Bill that would overturn the wartime codebreaker’s conviction for being gay. Better late than never I guess?

Turing, who died from ingesting cyanide in 1954 at the age of 41, had been sentenced to CHEMICAL CASTRATION for the crime of gross indecency. Conspiracy theorists believe Turing ate an orange segment that had been spiked with the poison by the British secret service.

The mathematician, cryptanalyst, computer scientist, worked at the British government’s Second World War code-breaking headquarters at Bletchley Park. He is best known for having cracked the messages sent by the German Enigma machines.

Earlier in the year peers demanded that Turing be given a pardon. After all, being GAY is no longer a crime, that, and the nation…if not the world owes such a debt of gratitude to Alan Turing. Without the man’s genius, Britain may well have lost the war.

Geniuses think outside the box, and unlike ‘rock stars’ their ORIGINAL thinking is not induced by the consumption of hallucinogens. Geniuses must be given some latitude with regards to their personal behaviour because their work affects so many lives and in a positive way. Without Turing’s ‘thinking’ computer called Christopher, (algorithm & computation) where would IBM, Microsoft and Apple be today? It is doubtful you or I would be sitting on a train or aeroplane using a tablet! Had Alan Turing not been so hounded by the government and it’s agencies, no doubt fearing he might impart valuable info to agents of a foreign power, one can only imagine at how much more the man might have achieved in later life? Ironically of course, it wasn’t Alan Turing who behaved in a traitorous fashion, giving away all Britain’s most valuable secrets to Soviet Russia, but the socially adept members of the very agency (MI6) that probably once sought to control him: Kim Philby, Donald Maclean, Guy Burgess and Anthony Blunt! It has been suggested that the 4th plinth in Trafalgar Square should be handed over to a statue of Turing. Bloody right, but will it ever happen?

So how would the gay man who saved the free world view the world we’ve created using his technology? Would Alan Turing view the 21st century through rose-tinted glasses, or would he be fearful? After all, some of the most powerful and sophisticated computers are designed to go to war. Big boys toys would be rendered impotent without hard drives and mother boards: Multi-roll jet fighters, nuclear subs, aircraft carriers, land-based missile silos. I  have yet to read about a computer that is designed to keep the peace? So, is the human race any safer with a computer at everyone’s fingertips?

*By the way, for all you movie buffs out there, the rules of Turing’s ‘Imitation Game’ (set of specific questions) were used in the 1982 movie Blade Runner by Harrison Ford’s character Rick Deckard in determining whether individuals were human or replicants (genetically engineered machines). As I’m sure you also know, Blade Runner was an adaptation of Philip K. Dicks’s novel ‘Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?’

 

 

ARE THERE SOLUTIONS TO UK GOVERNMENT ‘IT’ SOLUTIONS!

Be British, Buy British (Photo credit: World of Oddy)

COMPUTER networking only works when computers speak the SAME language. The last Labour government wasted £12BILLION, or 60,000 nurses salaries for10 years, on what was billed as the National Health Service IT SOLUTION that was supposed to link all hospital computers and GP practices in order to provide among other things; Electronic prescribing, electronic appointment booking and medical imaging software. FUJITSU IT Solutions won the contract but failed to supply the solution, which will eventually cost UK taxpayers another £8BILLION, TOTALING £20BILLION. The SOLUTION might have been to BUY BRITISH!

A further £500million was wasted on a failed bid to set up a network for regional Fire Brigade control centres.

Another hopeless Government IT project was the upgrade to the host computer system at West Drayton Air Traffic Control Centre. The IT package was bought from America’s Lockheed Martin company at a cost of £623MILLION. After two planes narrowly missed each other, the ATC was temporarily switched to RAF Northolt.

A batch of eight high-tech British Chinook mk3 military helicopters bought for £259MILLION were out of service for eight years due to a software problem. In order to save money, officials tried to install their own avionics software rather than using BOEING’S original software for the helicopters. A National Audit Office report found that British officials had failed to ask for the software ACCESS CODE when they ordered the helicopters. Boeing then refused to provide the code, citing intellectual property rights. In order to solve the problem, the military refitted the helicopters with software used in earlier Chinook models. Would you like to run your laptop on Windows 95?

Why don’t we buy BRITISH when it comes to IT solutions? The answer is, often the British Government buys CHEAP, yes, cheap, but in the long term, it costs them…and ultimately US ten times as much!

EMERGENCY TEXT MESSAGING!

English: mobile phone text message (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In the event of a nuclear disaster or terrorist attack, the UK government plans to warn me via a text message on my mobile phone. It is intended a new alert system will steer me away from danger and tell me where to get help. That’s all very well, but unfortunately I live in a valley where there is little to no mobile phone coverage, thanks to a group of local do-gooders who vigorously campaigned to get rid of phone masts. So, should a natural or manmade chemical, biological or nuclear disaster happen my way, it looks like I will only get to hear about it when my breathing becomes laboured and my eyes pop out of my head. I shall remain in the dark unless my idiot cousin Jeffrey can train his racing pigeons to carry messages to me. I’m not holding my breath! So far none of Jeff’s birds have ever made it home, so there’s little chance they’ll ever make it to my home! “Sorry, no service!”

*In the event of a nuclear disaster, is factor 500 sun screen sufficient to protect my oh so soft skin, and am I likely to lose the freckles women find so endearing?

UK BEDROOM TAX CONDEMNED BY UN INVESTIGATOR!

United Nations Human Rights Council logo. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Over the last 10 years, the cost of Housing benefit has gone from £10billion a year to £21billion, and due in part to immigration! Under the Government’s welfare reform, social tenants (those renting from local authorities) deemed to have more bedrooms than they need have had their housing benefit reduced since April.

Raquel Rolnik, an inspector from the United Nations has given the UK government’s ‘bedroom tax’ (welfare reform measure) the thumbs down, and has called for it to be scrapped!  The controversial ‘spare room subsidy’ was introduced earlier this year to reduce the number of social tenants under-occupying their accommodation. Raquel Rolnik said, “I was very shocked to hear how many people feel abused in their human rights by this decision and why – being so vulnerable – they should pay for the cost of the economic downturn, which was brought about by the financial crisis.” Rolnik’s final report will be presented in Geneva to the UN Human Rights Council in March 2014.

So, in some quarters the bedroom tax is considered a breach of a tenant’s human rights. Interesting? I wonder if the United Nations is likely to take a similar position regarding fracking in populated areas and erecting wind turbines at the bottom of one’s garden? Are not human rights being trampled upon here too? Since there is so much money at stake, it is doubtful any United Nations inspector will dare open his or her mouth!

If UK Governments hadn’t let 5MILLION immigrants into the country over the last eighteen years, the housing benefit bill wouldn’t be so large! Why should UK citizens be penalised for government mismanagement?

CAPITAL PUNISHMENT-A CAPITAL IDEA!

English: Logo of Ikea. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In a further attempt to civilize an uncivilized fat population by discouraging acts of street violence and terrorism, the British Government, having withdrawn its support from the EU Human Rights Act intends reintroducing the DEATH penalty sooner rather than later.

On the table for consideration is a lethal injection of potassium cyanide, hanging, firing squad, death by electrocution and a live manhunt. ITV and Channel 5 are expected to enter into a bidding war over who gets to televise this form of NATURAL justice. Further, both companies have promised to keep the ad breaks to a minimum. No one wants a repeat fiasco of ITV showing Formula One only to cut to adverts at the most thrilling time of the race.

And no one will miss Slocombe the CANNIBAL of Reeds Avenue, Hendon,  London, NW4, who lured to his home, killed and ate eleven of his neighbours over an eighteen month period. Despite the fact that his neighbourhood steadily grew quieter and quieter, no one suspected that George Slocombe was having people over for dinner. It was only when he attended Barnet ‘A & E’ with part of a human shin bone stick in his throat that suspicions were raised. Immediately the forces of ‘law and disorder’ sprang into action. After a thorough search of Slocombe’s home, police discovered amongst other things, thirty-eight empty bottles of Gaviscon for the treatment of antacid and two years worth of receipts from his local Summerfield supermarket. Apparently all the man ever bought were herbs, oh and gravy granules. Discovered too was a manuscript. Entitled ‘Come Dine With Me,’ it was supposed to be a guide to Cannibal gastronomy, and indeed, as it turned out, it was. A publishing sensation, copies simply flew off the shelves along with fresh tarragon, rosemary and thyme.

In his original defence the accused stated that he was a serial dieter. Portly Lord Justice Richardson sitting in Old Bailey 1 asked the cannibal which diet he considered to be most effective. Slocombe replied, “Why the Atkins diet of course!”

There are rumours too that after a gap of sixty years, public BIRCHING may soon be re-introduced.  The Government has already asked for tenders from companies wishing to provide the birching tables. IKEA has no wish to be associated with this form of barbaric corporal punishment, but  Wicks DIY isn’t so squeamish.  ‘It’s definitely got our name on it!’  said a Company spokesperson.

Unsure of the public’s reaction to the re-introduction of birching, major sponsors are quite understandably reticent to get involved. However ‘Breslaw’s Hemorrhoid Cream’ jumped at the opportunity, but quite how anal fissures can result from back-birching has yet to be satisfactorily explained.

DRIVING WHILE UNDER THE INFLUENCE!

English: Four ounces of low-grade marijuana, usually referred to as a quarter-pound or QP. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The UK government has vowed to crack down on motorists who drive under the influence of drugs, and proposed legislation could even pave the way to custodial sentences for offenders.

According to a confused.com study, one in five motorists have driven while on illegal drugs including cannabis, cocaine and ecstasy. I can only assume that the other four-fifths were too drunk to roll themselves a joint!

WHERE IS THIS ‘BIG SOCIETY’ I’VE BEEN HEARING SO MUCH ABOUT?

English: David Cameron’s picture on the 10 Downing Street website (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The parents of children taken into care could be made to pay towards the cost of looking after them under plans being considered by Conservative-controlled WORCESTERSHIRE COUNTY COUNCIL. So where is the ‘caring society’ Prime Minister David Cameron so often speaks of? ‘We’re all in it together,’ he says, when referring to his ‘Big society’. Obviously these are just SOUND BITES! It seems to me, society is being PRIVATISED!

To some of us it appears that the only people the UK government cares about are Third World inhabitants, who we LAVISH aid on, some of those leaders of choosing to LOOT their foreign filled coffers to put a f**king rocket into space, whereas they should be concerned with feeding their people, providing them with sanitation and clean drinking water.

Big society? Over-filling our SMALL country with cheap foreign labour that prevents UK citizens from earning a living wage.

According to a new survey, UK NHS patients are willing to see taxes rise in order for the government to fund their health and social care through the National Health Service. I’m dead against any tax rise to further fund the NHS if it means continuing to provide health care for people who don’t pay National Insurance stamps. If you want to be a member of this ‘mythical’ BIG SOCIETY, then bloody well pay into it!

BLOOD ON THE STREETS!

The SIS building, seen from Millbank (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Most people…that is to say those of us who are not incarcerated in mental asylums…believe Britain is over populated and under policed! Why Manchester is sometimes referred to as ‘Britain’s city of languages’, for there are up to 200 different tongues spoken there. When a small island is overrun by millions more people over a short period (15 years), as I have said before, multiculturalism cannot succeed. Honestly, I must be sick in the head to come up with the following conclusion, but here it is nonetheless!  I believe the UK Government wants blood on the streets. For some reason, it suits their purpose! The powers that be actually look forward to anarchy. Perhaps it will afford them the opportunity to turn Britain into a police state? Fifteen years ago you could speak your mind in public, now you cannot! Fifteen years ago there were hardly any surveillance cameras on street corners, now there is at least one on almost every street corner. I believe the Secret Intelligence Service does a fantastic job in tracking down terrorists, however with so many millions of people pouring in here…unchecked...it is only a matter of time before we in Britain suffer another catastrophic terrorist outrage, and the SIS know it. It is inevitable! When it occurs, well, it will be the Government’s ‘perfect storm’…a grand opportunity to deny us even more of our freedoms, but in our own best interests of course!

CHARITY SHOULD BEGINS AT ‘HOME’…NOT ABROAD!

English: Keep Calm and Carry On UK government poster (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Here I go again, blogging about UK foreign aid! The British Government is still committed to giving away over £12billion a year and to some countries that don’t actually need it! India has its own expensive space programme. Nigeria, rich in oil has an appalling human rights record, as does mega-rich China who received over £27million in UK aid last year! I find it incredible that a government in debt to the tune of a TRILLION pounds plus feels the need to give away money that isn’t even theirs! The UK Government is actually disbursing across the globe BORROWED money…money it’s paying interest on! What the f**k is going on? Meanwhile, here, every day, 155 women with 103 children are being turned away from domestic violence refuges due to budget cuts, and around 170 NHS operations are cancelled every day at the last minute as hospitals struggle to cope with a lack of beds, staff and faulty equipment! Furthermore, hunger in Britain has reached the level of a public health emergency, particularly among the elderly, who this winter must choose between feeding themselves and heating their homes! Betrayal begins at the top. What an inequitable society we live in! Keep calm and carry on…you must be joking!!

Updated: 10/12/13.

The UK government owes a total of £1.2trillion, and paying the interest is expected to cost £72.5billion by 2017.18. Now I don’t want to ruin your day further, however, new figures revealed by the Office for Budget Responsibility indicate that every UK worker is taxed a week’s wages each year just pay the interest on Britain’s national debt. Despite an alleged return to economic growth, Britain’s debt mountain continues to grow with interest alone to rise by 50% in just four years. So I repeat, what is the British government doing donating abroad £12billion each and every year, mush of which is stolen in order to fund lavish lifestyles of corrupt politicians, locally elected officials and gangsters? The end-user of our generous charity, that is to say the starving masses, will continue to starve and will continue to drink polluted water!

A TICKING TIME BOMB!

Nuclear waste flask train between Cark and Cartmel railway station and Kents Bank railway station. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Did you know the British Government has a stockpile of 100 tonnes of plutonium…the biggest in the world? I didn’t! The Nuclear Decommissioning Authority (NDA) has suggested there are 4 credible options for dealing with the plutonium stored at the Sellafield nuclear reprocessing plant in Cumbria. 1) Burn it in a ‘fast reactor’, 2) Bury it in a landfill, and don’t tell anyone, 3) Bury the plutonium at sea, and kill off all our fish stocks, 4) Auction it in 5 ton lots on eBay to anyone interested in acquiring weapons-grade plutonium. If you can’t easily dispose of a substance that can kill off the entire human race…don’t f**king create it in the first place! ‘Oh but we need nuclear power’, I hear you say. No, we are told we need nuclear power! ‘Oh but it’s safe!’ Really? What about Windscale, Cumbria, 1957, (renamed Sellafield), Three Mile Island, Pennsylvania, 1979, Chernobyl Ukraine, 1986, Fukushima, Japan, 2011? We don’t need terrorists to f**k us up. We do very nicely on our own!

SYRIAN REBELS TO GIVE BACK GUNS AFTER WAR!

Map of the districts of Syria. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Someone in the British government is on drugs…that or he is still in school uniform!

Without losing sight of the tens of thousands of men, women and children that have already been slaughtered in Homs, Aleppo and the various other centres that the Assad regime is trying to re-control, just after MPs voted overwhelmingly in favour of a motion demanding that the Commons be given a vote BEFORE any arms are shipped to Syria, a GB government spokesperson has stated that we ‘shouldn’t worry’ that weapons delivered to the Syrian rebels would fall into the hands of extremists, as the Opposition movement has PROMISED to give any guns back after the civil war is over. Sure, just like they did in Libya! There, millions of rounds of ammo went missing, along with guns, and, oh…20,000 surface-to-air hand-held missiles. In Libya, it wasn’t so much as an arms fair, more of an arms smash & grab! Why will it be any different in Syria?

In truth, it would be nigh on impossible to track and trace weapons to stop them falling into the hands of extremists on the rebel side, despite Foreign Office minister Alistair Burt’s reassurance to MPs that the British government was not getting into bed with the extremist Islamist element within the anti-Assad forces. That’s easy for him to say…it’s not the British government that’s making the bed! “The Syrian National Coalition declared its commitment to democracy, ethnic and religious pluralism, and the rule of law, and it rejected discrimination and extremism.” Only time will tell!

By the way, a new front is opening in the Syrian civil war, which looks set to pitch rebel against revel, as confrontations between Western-backed groups (Free Syrian Army) and Islamic fundamentalist fighters ( allied with al-Qaeda) threaten to spiral out of control. So who actually will the West be arming?

*Thanks to pressure by Russian President Vladimir Putin, British Prime Minister David Cameron has since ditched plans to arm Syrian rebels. What a surprise…not! But what kind of pressure? “David dear boy, winter is approaching. You arms the Syrian rebels, and I’ll cut off Britain’s domestic gas supply!” Thanks Vlad!

UK GOVERNMENT iPADS BUGGED?

English: iPads can be a distraction to learning (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

UK Ministers have been banned from taking iPads into Cabinet meetings to stop them being spied on. Intelligence agencies have demanded that tablet computers be removed from the room before David Cameron and his top team conduct ultra-sensitive talks for fear the devices could be hacked by a foreign power and used as covert listening devices. Senior government figures claim countries including Russia, Iran, Pakistan and CHINA could have developed viruses that would allow iPads and mobile phones to be used as bugs, even when they are switched off.

I would suggest government ministers buy iPads that aren’t manufactured in China, but that would be a tall order, wouldn’t it? Oh well, it’s back to good old-fashioned pen & paper from now on! One of the down sides of living through this new digital age is, everyone seems to be hacking & bugging everyone else. Yes, there’s a great deal of general buggery going on!

News just in! British Prime Minister David Cameron said today he would visit China in early December to meet the new leadership in Beijing on the pretext of forging new business links. The truth is, Dashing Dave is only going there to return a batch of 57 Lenovo iPads.

 

UK JUDGES TO LOSE THEIR BUTLERS!

English: The Judges Lodging York, England built c1715 and a grade I listed building. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Even high court judges aren’t immune to cutbacks! Not only is the UK government cutting the annual legal aid budget by £400million, but ministers are planning to close down some of Britain’s most expensive judges’ lodgings and move the beaks into hotel or bed-and-breakfast accommodation. Someone’s nose is going to be firmly put out of joint! Among the 32 lodgings used by judges at a cost to taxpayers of up to £3,000 per night are historic houses with full-time chefs and housekeepers and wine cellars. Chris Grayling, the Justice Secretary, is conducting a review which aims to reduce the £5 million accommodation bill for judges who travel around the country to hear cases. Two under-used properties earmarked for closure are Tower House in Norwich…an 18th Century Grade II listed building and Ayres End, a mock Tudor country house in two  acres of countryside outside Harpenden in Hertfordshire. Property developers are already wetting their pants!

Frankly, I can see several judges opting for early retirement or a return to the bar rather than suffering the ignominy of being put up in a Premier Inn or a Boutique hotel!

UK GOVERNMENT SELLING OFF THE ROYAL MAIL!

English: Keep Calm and Carry On UK government poster (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Meanwhile, the garage sale of the century continues! When there are no more national assets left to sell, I have it on good authority that the UK government minster for social welfare intends entering negotiations with the representative of HELL to sell British SOULS to the Underworld!

It is rumoured that the UK government is favouring the offer tabled by Deutsche Post. If the German offer is successful, expect to see our posties goose-stepping up your path wearing lederhosen while singing bier keller songs! Yes, you too can be awoken in the early hours by a rendition of Roll Out the Barrel! Maybe it’s time to get to know your postman, if just to shut him up?

PROPOSED UK BADGER CULL!

Badger in New Mexico (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My name is Brian the Badger and I would like to mention how very disappointed I am at the news of a conspiracy between The National Union of Farmers and the British Government over the proposed badger cull. I can tell you for a fact that I don’t have tuberculosis and neither do any of my relatives. If your cattle succumb to Bovine TB, well, they must be contracting it from another source. I’m not a snitch, but have you thought about culling the mole-in-the-hole or the fox-in-the-coop? After all, it is Mr Fox that sneaks into your homes and bites your sleeping babies before taking a shit on your carpet. I’m not one to tell you your business, BUT, what about all those immigrants you’ve let in the country. I know you know some of them have TB. Might not the hungry bite cattle?

Anyway, all this NEGATIVE PR is doing nothing for my badger confidence OR my digestion. In conclusion I would say only this: “If I should die, think only this of me: That there’s some corner of a foreign field that is forever England. There shall be in that rich earth a richer dust concealed; a dust whom England bore, shaped, made aware, gave, once, her flowers to love, her ways to roam; a body of England’s breathing English air, washed by the rivers, blest by suns of home.” That’s part of a poem by Rupert Bear…BROOKE.

BADGERS EVERYWHERE UNITE!

UPDATED: 22/08/13.

The badger cull starts on Monday 26th of August in Gloucestershire and west Somerset. My badger buddies and I have not been idle. We’ve constructed thousands of miles of underground passages where we’re going to hide from members of The National Union of Farmers. I’ve been teaching my mates the finer points of martial arts, so we can now mule kick, karate chop AND bite! Graham badger suggested we disguise ourselves. I reminded him that we already have black bands along our badger faces, so what’s the point?